How do you lose that, exactly?


I’m riding my bike home from dropping off the boys the other day through my semi-rural neighborhood.  By “rural”, of course, I mean the yards warrant riding mowers vs. a lawn service.  Having grown up in the prairies, it’s rather laughable to me to call it rural.  But whatever.  I digress.

I notice a homemade cardboard sign while turning a corner.  It says “Lost: 80 lb male tortoise. Reward”

I spent the rest of my ride home trying to figure out how one loses an 80 lb tortoise.  First, they’re really slow.  Even so, though, presumably one wouldn’t leave it “free range”.  So, it’d take a pretty huge hole in the fence for an 80 pounder to get out through since I’m thinking they don’t dig out like my beagle is prone to do.  Or maybe they do.  And wouldn’t someone notice?  I mean, you just don’t see 80 lb tortoises amongst the local wildlife which doesn’t really get bigger than an armadillo.  So, even if it wandered of, unnoticed its continued wandering almost certainly would’ve caught someone’s attention.

Maybe it was kidnapped.  Or tortoise-napped.


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